Lemony Twist (One Shot)
by Sam-E234
Summary: A two part one shot of Connie and Jazz.


So I read the greatest book ever, and wrote a two-part one shot when I was bored. Will upload the second part after I finish editing it. Enjoy~

Read & Review.

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Having a senile, morbid racist for a grandmother wasn't easy. In fact, it was downright shitty. But it got even more shit-tastic when for the first time in two weeks, Jazz finally had the chance to hang out with his girlfriend but couldn't invite her over.

Jazz scowled at his grandmother as she went on and on about the satanic demon child (aka Connie) and how allowing it anywhere nears the house would doom them all to the fiery pits of hell. With a potentially dead mother, serial killer father and a psychotic grandmother, Jazz felt it was safe to say that he was well into the last tier of hell already.

"That nigger bitch is going to do worse to you than what that she-witch did your daddy. She's going to twist your mind and then lay eggs in your body! Oh yes she will! And when those eggs hatch, they'll be half demon, half nigger! That's the anti-christ Jasper! THE ANTI CHRIST! Do you want the anti-christ to be feeding off your flesh!?"

As cruel as it was, Jazz couldn't help but think it'd be best if he just offed her. His patience for her mouth was wearing thin, plus she had nothing left to live for anyway, her daughter went AWOL, her son was locked up for ten lifetimes and her husband was dead. She was living in a world that existed only in her mind (probably sometime in the 1930's when white supremacy was still at its peak and she was more than just sagging skin and crumpling bones).

_"You'd actually be doing her a favor if you put her into a permanent slumber of bliss."_

Jazz took a deep breath as he went upstairs to his bedroom. _Shut it Billy. _He couldn't – wouldn't -kill his grandmother, but he sure as hell didn't have to listen to her. He flopped backwards onto his bed and stared up at his wall of the deceased, trying to calm his mind and his body from his lack of "Vitamin C". He didn't even own a cellphone to talk and text her whenever he wanted too. When did life become not only his greatest enemy but also the biggest cockblocker?

Sighing, he rolled over onto his side and tried to his best to let sleep overtake him...

After twenty minutes of _that_ not working, he got up, sat down at his computer desk and waggled his computer mouse to bring it back to life. Maybe he could email Howie to come over or they could ride out together. Shit, he'd even go to the library and read a dictionary. He just couldn't stay locked up at home, with the thought of a lonely Connie up in her bedroom. (His teenage mind would drive him into a hormonal frenzy).

As the screen lit to life, he saw a one blinking above his instant messenger, sent an hour ago, and clicked on it:

Connviction97

"Dad's on a business trip, mom is at work and brother is at a party. Get over here. Now."

Jazz re-read the message a couple of times and even rubbed his eyes. This is for real! He didn't have to think twice about what he just read; he just got a green light to go his girlfriend's house. Without her parents or brother around. HELL YES!

Sending her a smiley face and a "I'll be there soon", he clicked onto Howie's username, "TexaSizeDick", and swiftly he typed a message to Howie: C(x) +C=Need a ride ASAP! And clicked send.

The little math equation was a ridiculous code that Howie had made up, it meant "Cuddling with perhaps a little extra touching with Connie", for anytime the "Jazz-man" (God, Jasper hated that nickname) needed some couple time with Connie.

It did come in handy when they were in large crowds or near adults though. Now all he had to do was get Howie to drop him off and – "Fuck, Grandma is awake."

As much as he wanted – NEEDED - to go to Connie right now, there was no way he was going to leave his psychotic gun slinging Grandmother unattended. Unless... Unless she was asleep. When she KO-ed, nothing could wake her up, you could have a rave party in the house and she'd just turn over and snore.

Going downstairs he located his grandmother dancing to some cooking channel intro song. Such a shame that she couldn't be so delightfully simple all the time... Sneaking into the kitchen, he found a bottle of Benadryl and dumped some out in a large spoon. Lucky enough for him, his grandmother actually liked the flavor of the medicine and it was a sure fire way to have her knock out within an hour.

"This is wrong" He told himself, _"Yes, but Connie feels so right. You have the rest of your teenage life to spend with batty over there. Right now you could be cuddling with that hot piece of ass you have been deprived of for two weeks."._.. Weeell, _"Go on boy; take no shame in your actions". _

Slowly walking up to his grandmother with the spoon, he called out to her, "I heard on TV if you take this medicine right now, you'll be able to fend off the black heathens and Nazi's 60% better than if you don't."

Didn't take long for her eyes to get wide and for her to nearly swallow the spoon whole. Grandma was the most racist women you could ever meet; she'd eat a broomstick if it meant she could kill off the Mexicans. Jazz carefully helped her to her chair and sat her down. He told her that if she continued to move, then the effects wouldn't take place. Really, he just didn't want her be dancing all over the place when the medicine kicked in, Lord knows he wouldn't want to come back to see her dead cause she fell and tripped over something.

Jumping in the shower, he washed himself quickly, using the lemon scented body wash that made the ladies go wild. Or so the commercial said, guess he'd find out for himself today.

By the time he tugged on a shirt, he heard Howie beeping him downstairs. Grabbing his keys, he rushed downstairs and took a glance at his grandmother, who was already half asleep. Good. Happily he strutted out the house, locked the door and jumped into Howie's car.

"Thanks a lot for this man" Jazz said. Howie only gave him a sour look, "I literally JUST got a password and username from Dougie for this amazing pornsite and you decide to not only take away my joy but fling in my face that you get to star in your own porno."

Jazz rolled his eyes, "Always the drama queen, aren't you?"

Howie's face still remained the same as he backed out the driveway and headed towards Connie's house, "Why couldn't you just drive yourself?"

"Not showing any love today huh? Well, I don't know when Connie's mom and brother are going to show up. Nothing good is going to happen if they see my jeep in their driveway. Last thing I need is to get Connie grounded. And my ass tazed by Mrs. Hall... Again."

Howie snickered as he remembered the first time Connie's mother had met Jasper. She was unaware that her daughter was dating "that Dent boy" and got frightened when she had seen him grab Connie from behind. She didn't hesitate for second as he grabbed her Taser from her purse and gave Jazz the shock of his life.

"Now _that _was a memorable first impression", Jazz sneered, "Good to know what brings joy into your life." Within minutes, they pulled up in Connie's driveway. "Do you want me to pick you back up?" Howie asked as he put the car into park, "I can get back here after my sessions are over."

"You really didn't have to share that with me" Jazz frowned as he undid his seat-belt. "Besides, that'll mean you'll be back here in five minutes, ouch!"

Howie had thrown a plastic cup at his face, "Don't get fresh with the guy who has the number of your girlfriends father stored in his phone. I'll give you two about three hours, so I'll be down the street near Judy the MILF's house at seven, okay?"

"Alright, thanks Howie. I owe you one!" he called out as he slammed the car door shut and ran up to Connie's front door. Connie's father wasn't a big fan of him, so he usually snuck into her room via window. This could be a pain since she was on the second floor. But he always managed through the sheer strength of love. And his need to grope Connie's C36 chest. Whichever sounded more romantic.

But now, for the first time, he was able to use the front door. He brought his hand up to knock but suddenly hesitated. What if her brother got dropped off? Or her mom came home? What if her dad had telepathic powers and knew that something freaky was about to go down in his house and he was waiting with a bat on the other side?

"This is stupid. She would have sent you something to tell you if it was a no-go." But even with that said, Jazz still couldn't find it in him to knock on the door. "Maybe ringing the doorbell would be better." He reached to press the buzzer but stopped at that too. "The buzzer is kind of loud though..."

"Ugh!" He groaned in frustration, "Just do it!"

He never got a chance to knock or ring the doorbell, Connie had flung the door open with an annoyed look on her face. "Took you long enough, Dent. I've been waiting for two hours! What the hell took you so long?"

Jazz didn't hear her; he was too busy staring, while trying not to stare, at Connie in all her glory. One day, he would have to thank whatever Deity there was for bestowing him with a girlfriend who never realized that red lace bras showed bright and clear, through white shirts.


End file.
